My Deliverer

I'm up at three-something A.M. again, and figured I'd better write another blog post before I lose my handful of readers. Ha! I'm 4.5 weeks from my supposed due date, and we're still waiting on the underwriters to sign a piece of paper so we can close on our new home.  I'm trying to get a belly progress picture up here for y'all, but it's not as easy now that my tripod has been packed for weeks, and my husband comes home so late from work.

We recently had a very difficult decision to make concerning my health care.  There are three of us at my church who have been using the same midwife (one of 2 local midwives available), and the first one of us had her beautiful baby boy about 2 weeks ago.  Unfortunately, her experience was awful.  That's too kind a word - it was horrendous, especially as a first-time mom.  God graciously redeemed her through the process in many ways, and she did indeed get to have a natural birth, but her experience was far from ideal because of human error, stupidity, and defensive behavior (and not all that was on the part of the midwife alone).  Through everything, my friend's perseverance and wonderful attitude are testaments to His faithfulness.  After hearing her entire birth story, I was still willing to go to the midwife if God didn't provide another option.  But my husband immediately decided I would not see her again.  I took that as though it were from my boss's boss, straight from the mouth of God.

We have what I call "catastrophic health insurance."  It's a high-deductible health care plan with an HSA that has yet to be funded because we've been saving for a down payment to get out of this apartment and into an affordable home with a yard.  So basically, we're always cash-pay patients.  There is no maternity care offered in Texas through private health insurance, so going through an OB and hospital aren't only my last choice, they're totally unaffordable.  With our house closing having been delayed, we have many unexpected costs this month - more if you count the issues we had a month or so earlier with the car that had to be fixed, and our recent vet bills for an itchy, scratchy dog that keeps me awake at night.  We were supposed to pay our final bill to our midwife on Monday, and had budgeted for it even with these increases (though all our savings is pretty much spoken for).

Another friend, who has had 4 births under midwife care, recommended the other midwife in town and I got to meet with her this week.  Even though I was almost 36 weeks along, she agreed to assume my care.  I loved her and all her staff immediately, and drilled her with questions for 30 minutes straight and received solid, wise answers.  I didn't tell her the details about the other midwife, as I felt that it was akin to second-hand gossiping should we not decide to go with her.  Really, the only down-side was money: not only are her fees higher, but of all the money we've already paid to the first midwife, none will be refunded at this point, and far less than half will be discounted from the new midwife's fees.  So we're looking at needing to pay more than double what we had budgeted to pay next week.  Our only other option, since I'm not going with an OB and there are no other midwives in town, would be an unassisted home birth.  And we were willing to do that if necessary.  I love that my husband was even open to that. :)

After meeting with a few believing friends, including one who is an RN in labor and delivery and has a midwife's heart, they unanimously felt we should go with the new midwife and that God would provide.  When I called my husband afterward, before I got to tell him their opinion, he said he didn't want me to worry about the money and to just go with the new midwife.  So the decision was made.  And once again, we're in that sweet place of waiting on the Lord to provide what we cannot provide for ourselves, and trusting Him to move on our behalf in His perfect time.  The words from the song, "my deliverer is coming, my deliverer is standing by" have so many meanings to me right now.  Because even with a midwife on-call, He is my true midwife and my child's deliverer and will not leave me at any point in the birth process.  He has great things for me in this, and all His gifts are good.